When You Can’t Run, Use The Taser

Let’s say you’re the chief of police in a small town in…I don’t know…eastern New Mexico.  Just for fun, we’ll say the name of the town is Tucumcari.  What a funny name, sounds a lot like turmeric.  And let’s say that a local mother comes to the police station with her daughter because they are fighting over a cell phone.  After the mother has been at the station, presumably being chastised for her (apparent) lack of parenting ability, you discover the girl has run off.

Pop quiz, hot shot.  What do you do?

1. Tell the mom to go back home and work everything out.
2. Try to sit down with the girl and her mother, and see if they can be reasoned with.
3. Chase the girl down and shoot her in the face with a taser

If you answered “3″, congratulations!  You have what it takes to Chief of Police in Tucumcari, New Mexico; because that’s exactly what Chief of Police Roger Hatcher did in that very same situation.

Naturally, Chief Hatcher says he didn’t have a choice.

Hatcher said he returned to department headquarters and talked to Aikin, who had a bloodied lip and scratches from a fight.

Hatcher said he found the girl at George Molinas Park.

Hatcher said he got out of his vehicle, called to her and she ran in front of his patrol car across Monroe Street without looking for traffic.

Both were in a dead run when the Taser was fired, Hatcher said.

Hatcher said if he’d been able to grab her and put her on the ground, he would have done it instead of firing the Taser.

What kind of phyiscal fitness standards does the Tucumcari Police Department have?  It would appear that Chief Hatcher didn’t pass the “be able to outrun a 14 year old girl” requirement.

And what were the effects of the Less-Lethal® Taser on the 14 year old girl?

Akin said the dart entered her daughter’s skull, and she remains in pediatric intensive care after undergoing surgery Friday morning at University of New Mexico Hospital.

Hatcher reportedly tased Kailee once in the back and once in the head. She needed 18 staples and six stitches to close the wound.

I’m sure this will just be written off as a flesh wound.  Afterall, the girl made the mistake of running, she didn’t listen to The Big Man With The Badge (who couldn’t catch her).  She needed a little attitude adjustment, the 50,000 volt kind.  Sure, Chief Hatcher only did it because he was worried about her safety.  There’s nothing more safe than shooting electricity through someones head when they’re running.  It’s almost as safe as you can get.

Another example of the taser being used as an attitude adjuster.  Funny how Taser doesn’t mention this incident on their blog.